Friday, April 16, 2021

My Life: One reason men don't talk and how my wife makes me talk even less.

"Happy wife, happy life" what a truly frighteningly true statement of at least modern relationships.

My thoughts always seem to upset my wife. If it doesn't upset her, somehow she's angry at me. If we do "talk" somehow I was angry first. Yes, maybe I make snide remarks. Yes, I am very sarcastic. But maybe I just do not know how to identify when I am angry or upset.

If I learned anything about "arguing", it is that I always lose. Whether it is the point because I just do not wish to keep talking about it, or if I keep talking about it, I have a really, really, really angry wife. So what is the best solution to this? Not talk about it.

And not talking about it is not easy either. My wife will notice that I have something to say. If I refuse to say it, she'll still get angry. So I tried to preface it with, "I do have something to say but you will get very upset about it so I won't say it." Then she'll beg and plead and repeat that she won't... but I can swear that she has always been either upset or angry at me anyways. So what is the best solution to this? Work on my poker face so that I don't have anything to say.

There are times that I do feel a bit daring (completely unintentionally). Some times I let slip a remark and then we need to have a talk. For example, I left the front door unlocked for the entire night. My wife kindly reminded me, and I said ok. Then she found out the side garage door was also unlocked the entire night. Of course, adding a side comment that the front door was also open. Again, ok. Then later she referenced how the doors were unlocked. This time I just ignored the statement. We had dinner, then had some random conversation, then split to our own thing... and suddenly she says to the air "You know both the side door and the front door were unlocked the entire night. Anyone could have just entered the house." I suppose my brain went on vacation because my mouth just went into auto-pilot: "yea, I bet there is a burglar just waiting every night just for that one time I don't lock the doors."

When I saw her again, she just had that look that we need to have a talk. The conversation starts with "why are you always mean to me." I said I wasn't being mean. I was just making a comment on how unlikely it is that someone would be attempting to come into the house on the one night I randomly forgot to check the door. (That's right... check the door, because I have a habit of always locking the door behind me... but I know well that if I said she was the one who forgot to lock the door...) Then again, "why are you always mean to me." So I said sorry (multiple times). This obviously does not solve the problem. So I ask why she was still upset. And somehow that led to somehow I was angry. I politely said that I was not angry. And she reaffirms that I am angry. So I said, "oh now, you can tell me when I am angry." At which point she just left.

And I slept on the couch.

Does not talking solve the problem? No. But talking will only make things worse... always. So the moral of the story is that "not making it worse" is an accomplishment. And men like accomplishments. Therefore, men don't talk. 

Therapists say that conversation is important. This is very true. Misconception is that both parties need to talk. Men talking is not required to have a conversation. The wife converses. The husband just does it except for talking. End of conversation.

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