Monday, December 13, 2021

My Life: Grinding to New Motivation

After listening a youtube video by HealthyGamerGG ("Why Potential is Paralyzing") with 5 kids struggling with motivation. I cannot fully say that I was ever is such a position, but I feel that I can relate in that I fear that scenario. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to be smart enough where my bare minimum was good enough. Perhaps, I had enough desperation to survive too.

A part of me feels that I was able to get out of this feeling was mid- to late- 20s. In hindsight, I feel this was a long path. 

The first part of what helped me was parts of my life where I just grinded. I did A, B, and C all day, everday for days on end. My thoughts were just finish this and move to the next. Whether this was a game like Tetris, SC, DOTA, Pokemon, Candy Crush, Angry Birds, and later work. I worked my second work for about 80 hours a week.

The second part was not recognizing my poor study habits. I learned this in my final year and after college when I was helping underclassmen. Although I was able to do their homework, I struggled explaining the material. I was forced to read the text and then realized how much sense it made in my own understanding of the material.

The third part was my self-competitiveness. In things that I enjoyed, I wanted to have the top score. Mario Kart speed times, Tetris score on each individual's device, Bubble Pop, rate of completing Candy Crush with no cheats or even bonus items even if free. Eventually, I learned that my PB are far from the best. I will still play competitively but losing is not a big matter.

I cannot say when I flipped the switch about personal motivation.

Another part of the video that I enjoyed was the outlook on Hope vs Hopelessness.

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