My Life: Grinding to New Motivation

After listening a youtube video by HealthyGamerGG ("Why Potential is Paralyzing") with 5 kids struggling with motivation. I cannot fully say that I was ever is such a position, but I feel that I can relate in that I fear that scenario. Perhaps I was fortunate enough to be smart enough where my bare minimum was good enough. Perhaps, I had enough desperation to survive too.

A part of me feels that I was able to get out of this feeling was mid- to late- 20s. In hindsight, I feel this was a long path. 

The first part of what helped me was parts of my life where I just grinded. I did A, B, and C all day, everday for days on end. My thoughts were just finish this and move to the next. Whether this was a game like Tetris, SC, DOTA, Pokemon, Candy Crush, Angry Birds, and later work. I worked my second work for about 80 hours a week.

The second part was not recognizing my poor study habits. I learned this in my final year and after college when I was helping underclassmen. Although I was able to do their homework, I struggled explaining the material. I was forced to read the text and then realized how much sense it made in my own understanding of the material.

The third part was my self-competitiveness. In things that I enjoyed, I wanted to have the top score. Mario Kart speed times, Tetris score on each individual's device, Bubble Pop, rate of completing Candy Crush with no cheats or even bonus items even if free. Eventually, I learned that my PB are far from the best. I will still play competitively but losing is not a big matter.

I cannot say when I flipped the switch about personal motivation.

Another part of the video that I enjoyed was the outlook on Hope vs Hopelessness.

Life: Am I lonely? Are my friends really friends?

The trigger for this post was caused by a fleeting feeling of sadness when I realized that very, very few "friends" call me to chat or catchup. And by friends calling me, I mean that they call me maybe once a year sometimes even two years.

Even then, the ratio of me calling them versus they calling me is extremely high. Actually as I write this and except for my family, no one calls me more often and not even close to 50/50.

The sad part is not whether they think of me as a friend or not. I feel more sadness thinking that I am kind of a waste of their time. Should I just stop reaching out? Maybe it is their way of saying not interested?

Does this make me lonely? I am not sure. Maybe it isn't really a feeling of sadness but maybe more like a disappointment that I couldn't be of more value to other people. I also kind of starting to sense that maybe they only talk to me out of pity. Pity of what though?

Or is it this lack of sadness that makes it hard for me to relate to people's need to have friendships that is more regular like on a daily or weekly basis? Even with whom I call my good/best friends, I chat with them maybe on a yearly basis.

Or is it normal to have to put in so much effort to maintain friendships? It doesn't seem like it should to me.

Am I lonely? I do not feel sad about being alone. But this is easy for me to say because I have a loving family although could be a insane sometimes. I sense that I could survive being alone. I could find contentment and occasional happiness. Would I get depressed? Probably not.

Are my friends, friends? Yea, I believe my good friends are. I think I just attract others who are more similar to me, maybe even more of a hermit than me. I fully believe that if I am in need that they will try to be there for me. And if they are ever in need, that I would try to be there for them. By "try", I mean with the best of intentions. I would not expect them to put me over their family nor to put them in any financial risks.

I believe I have less traditionally defined friends. And I am ok with that.

I also believe I have some friends that I would really love to be better friends with that I am not sure if it is reciprocated. Which I am ok with too, but just unsure if I should just not contact them anymore. Or is this deemed more like an investment/insurance in case they would need me? My feelings are a bit complicated on this on whether I should just use that time on finding other people.

Or is my feelings complicated because I seem to spend more time with colleagues than people I really care for? I actually spend more time on this blog than most people too...

But in some sense this blog is kind of my way to communicate without being a burden. Only people who would be very interested would find this. I guess the other is that is mostly for my future self. Or is it for hopes that it could help a completely random person? I don't know... 

Re-reading this blog made me think of the Twitch psychologist, Alok Kanojia. I don't think I am even on that level. I can understand from empirical information. But I have to admit that it is very difficult for me to relate empathetically to the more extreme (imo) feelings. Makes me wonder if that is what differentiates the types of friends we have. In that case, I guess it makes sense that I "keep" a smaller circle. But it is not that I am the one limiting my circle size. Or maybe I am because there are definitely some people I did not want to be close friends with.

My Thoughts: Who Should Give Salary Range in Interview? IMO Companies

Yes, I am very biased as I have only been an employee. And I want to believe that even if I were a manager, providing the salary would be in my best interest too. But until that day happens, my thoughts will always be biased.

First, there is only one reason for a company to request the interviewer's salary range. Purely a power trip to see how much fear someone has in not getting the opportunity. Sure there are plenty of blogs and articles about psychological analysis for one's ego.

Because if the ask is greater than their budget, they can cut all ties even if the candidate could potentially provide greater value than they expected. To me, that means they are not looking for the best candidate.

If the ask is within their range, then they can kind of expect a somewhat amicable interview process.

If the ask is lower than their range, this is the same as within range but now they have the option to offer less. And there are plenty of blogs and articles that suggest that this is not in the interest of the employer. Also there are comments and feedback that candidates were offered more than they expected.

Personally, I have never had an employer give me more than I expected. In most of companies, I have also learned that I was paid much less than my peers even though I did the same work if not better (yes, I know this sounds very biased... perhaps I should write a blog on why I think I was not only better but preferred).

Among all the people I have worked with, I have never heard of anyone within my circle that was offered more than they asked. I don't quite ask, but talking about salary does come up every so often typically around review season. But this is more implicitly implied since I do not ask explicitly.

Back to the point

The main reason I do not believe I should ever share my expectations is that I want to get paid for the work that I will be doing. If they are asking me to work 20 hours per day, I don't mind being paid half the normal salary. If I only have to do half the work of my peers, then I don't mind being paid half their salary.

So until I know how much work I will be doing, why would I give what my expectations are? If I give my real expectations and it greater than the offer, I will never know if they are offering easier work which I may consider.

My other point

What is the big deal with companies not providing the salary range?

Some say they want to save time in case the range is too far apart. If I can see the range, then I can save you the trouble and skip over your job post. I would save you the trouble to even calling me to ask my salary expectations.

They may miss out on some good candidates. Yea, and then you would not be able to afford them and wasted all that time anyways.

Salary expectations do not match all industries and all geographical areas. Why force the candidate to give a static number that means only something in one place and time and industry? Let me decide whether it is worth my time to do that line of work.

If you don't get enough candidates then offer more. If you get too many candidates then lower the offer. 

My conclusion

So I believe a fair negotiation between company and candidate is far greater than the ability to pay less or even the perception of paying less. Even if you were a fair company, I will never know. It will always be over my should that I could have been more aggressive.

The company has the power to replace you. I have no power to change the amount of work I will get after I get hired (except for quitting). 

I think the HR industry has a great potential to be so much better. I think there are still many opportunities for new companies to enter the market purely by hiring the right people. I also believe there are plenty of people who are willing to build a career just to be at a fair and just company for a lower wage. But because we are asked first, the general candidates fear to be paid too low which thus causes us all to fear those who fear. 

Scammish: Job boards and Company Online Jobs Listings (based on my personal experience and thoughts)

To be fully honest, I am not a fan of the current HR (Human Resource) industry/practice today.

I have used glassdoor, indeed, monster, linkedin, and a couple others in the past. And my experience is that I rarely ever get any response from any online applications (including directly on the company websites). All my work opportunities (nine different employments, eleven if you count contract to hire) have come through a physical person whether that is a friend, acquaintance, or even a recruiter.

Yet when I interview through traditional means, my success rates to get offers are extremely high, nearly 100%. And usually with a day or two of my interview (which makes me think my salary request is on the low end, and never has a company offered more than my ask). So this makes me think there are a couple things I am doing incorrectly with online applications.

The easier and within my control is not using the proper keywords or catchphrases that will get me past the automatic filtering system. I have so many variants of my resume. I tailor my resume to the job positions. So I like to think that I should have been accidentally correct at some point.

The other reason is a bit scammish. I have seen a few of these practices myself.

The simplest one is that some companies are require to post positions publicly even though they already have someone in mind. This typically is with larger corporations and most definitely for contract-to-hire positions. As mentioned above, I have had a couple of these. This transition took time, and part of the reason is that HR has to post the job publicly and it needs to be up for a certain period of time. They will field the minimum candidates with the minimum amount of work. I may have been focused on my work, and I am not one to keep an eye out for what my managers do, but I am pretty sure they did not interview anyone. Eventually, I get transitioned to full-time employee status. Therefore, people saw the post, applied, and most likely never heard back.

Technically, this is not the job boards fault but it kind of is if they scrape these positions from the company websites which most of them do.

A more scammish practice is companies that are not real. They just post jobs to just collect data. I have worked for a marketing group, and there is a lot of bartering for personal information (especially behind the scenes). One of the biggest values to data is how much of their data is legit data. Job applicants on job boards are one of the best and easiest sources of data to be collected. I use a separate email and phone for my job search. After applying to certain unknown companies, I get sudden spikes of spam. Sometimes all it takes is just to publish your resume on the board which I typically get smaller spikes and more sporadic.

A similar practice but more borderline scammish is corporations doing similar practice but only to populate their HR system of records. Because they purchase bulk amounts of job postings, companies that have remaining posts will just use them to post non-existent positions. This has all sorts of implications. The simplest is just to have a queue of available candidates. Second, they can see how desperate the candidates are which can be used to set their expectations on how much they pay their current employees. Last, they can also use that on low-balling other or future candidates.

Suspiciously, even the job boards ads and site metrics seem to avoid how effective they really are. Many states number of users but they don't state how successful they are. Maybe it is also due to users abusing the system too. But if they claim number of users then they must take responsibility that number is somewhat accurate, thus they should have the ability to give some estimate on how successful users are. Otherwise, they should not market how many users they have.


References
https://zerista.s3.amazonaws.com/item_files/ab2f/attachments/458970/original/source_of_hire_2018_pdf.pdf

Gardening: Unguided beginner... do I know just enough to be dangerous to my plants' livelihood?

 I've started an interest in gardening because someone likes to have plants but not maintain them, and I hate seeing things die so I took it upon myself to help but no clue how. Obviously starting with watering them. Then eventually learning about over-watering. Then learning about composting.

I have to say after about 3 months... gardening is very hard. I still have no clue if I am over-watering or under-watering. I live in an area that is very dry, and the top soil is almost desert-like. My plants were doing way better when I started watering. One looks like it is not doing well again. One died which we suspect is over-watering because someone decided to just water that one plant without me knowing. Not only was I already over-watering, it had even more water than I thought. Also the soil did not look well in it.

This is actually quite time-consuming just watering and very-very-light pruning which I still am just guessing on how it works. I spend most of my time on watching videos on seeding and composting. I should probably spend more time on the things I should be doing...

Oddly enough, the experience is actually quite nice and pleasant even though it is hard work and takes up quite a bit of time. I really enjoy watching epic gardening, and like the idea of being more self-sufficient. 

There is just too much information to absorb. Would be nice if gardening was a bit easier... maybe I should consider finding a gardener friend.

Buggish: Visual Studio, "Element [elementName] is not a known element" warning

Visual Studio 2019

I get the errors below randomly. Suddenly while programming the ASP.NET page, my elements will suddenly have the green squiggly warning that my basic ASP elements are not known elements. I have yet to figure out the cause or reason for this to happen, but it does happen somewhat regularly perhaps once a week (of 10-20 hours of programming).

This is purely a syntactical bug, because I can still compile and run my program. It does not interfere with executing the project, but is super distracting. 

My Fix (Updated 9/2/2021)

Issue has increased a bit in the last month but still on the rare side. Fix is still to just close the ASPX page then re-opening. 

My Fix (Updated 4/29/2021)

For the last few months, I found that closing the ASPX page, then re-opening also resolves this issue. This is way faster than my workaround from June.

In the last couple months, I have to say that I haven't noticed this issue. Not sure if maybe I do it so reflexively that I do not notice or that it hasn't happened. I have thought about this until I was skimming over some older posts.

My Fix

1. Clean solution

2. Clean project

3. Restart Visual Studio 2019

I don't know why this fixes the problem. This is my current de facto fix and has worked for the last month. Before that, I some times skipped #1 or #2. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Eventually, it just wasn't worth the time to skip one or the other.

• Element [elementName] is not a known element
• Element 'Button' is not a known element. This can occur if there is a compilation error in the Web site, or the web.config file is missing.
• Element 'GridView' is not a known element. This can occur if there is a compilation error in the Web site, or the web.config file is missing.
• Element 'TextBox' is not a known element. This can occur if there is a compilation error in the Web site, or the web.config file is missing.

Reference

Personal experience

My Job Search Experience from Nov 2019 to Mar 2020

I found a new job a while ago. One of the major reasons why there have been few posts lately. I have a little breather now that I have exhausted my need to learn as much as I can about my new role (even though my employer did stress on my learning at such a pace).

For a quick conclusion, I recommend looking for work through recruiters. They know which opportunities are live and hot. Applying directly to companies was hit or miss. Online search was really a waste of my time.

Searching Through Recruiters

Because I found all non-referral based jobs through recruiters, my inflated ego wanted to try to find an opportunity on my own. I had avoided all recruiters. I did have a timeline though.

When my threshold was passed, I accepted all recruiters. I have to say that it was actually kind of refreshing to actually see responses. Not all recruiters were active, but I would say that at least 50% of recruiters did respond after their "fishing" expedition.

Most recruiters found me on LinkedIn. With all recruiters, I asked a simple question or expressed interest. Those that did not respond, I did not follow up. Those that did and requested resume, then ghosted after I provided a resume were added to my grey-list. If multiple recruiters found me from the same company and ghosted, that company was blacklisted.

But at least 50-75% of recruiters did respond with a response... even a simple 'thank you' before ghosting was sufficient for not being blacklisted. Almost all recruiters with an Indian accent ghosted me or simply said thank you then never heard back again.

I was honest about my compensation but did not give it up freely. I always lead with that it was negotiable. If they were forceful and I was interested in the position, I always gave higher than my range and added that my main focus was on how well we matched. This strategy worked quite well for me. I thought I would lose some opportunities, but all that were interested in me got me further into the interview process. In almost all cases where I was no longer considered, I was honest with them that I did not seem the best match for them, but willing to work hard, and lowered my compensation accordingly... so I was not surprised.

25% of the recruiters that did respond, I did get interviews. Most of my interviews went very well. And as mentioned, I was not surprised to be rejected to some of them. I was also very upfront about my existing opportunities. I had three companies interested in overlapping periods of time. I think I had a good chance with all three with one already given a verbal offer.

I honestly said that I had other opportunities. I also said that they were my top pick (which it really was) but also explained that I still wanted to complete my due diligence. They were more than happy to give me the time (I said a week, probably could have gotten two but I did like that job).

First one had a delayed response, and couldn't give me a firm confirmation. They couldn't pay my asking price. In my first interview, I did tell them that my interest is in the job which did fascinate me. I was also not a perfect match experience-wise as they were looking more for a business PM and I was more technical. I felt the director still liked my style. Unfortunately, timing and compensation did not work out. The job opportunity was about the same. The one thing going for them was that they were a smaller company which I preferred. Interestingly, they had considered me about half a year ago. If they had offered at that time, I would have accepted. In the end, I was honest in that it is difficult to pass on an existing offer to a potential offer and that my compensation was met.

The other one after an interview found that the role was not what I expected.

Applying Directly to Companies

This was close to a waste of time. But do apply to companies that you heard good things about their hiring process.

My suggestions would be Amazon and Snap. Amazon was reasonably responsive for certain roles. They do cleanup their posts so that old posts will eventually be closed. Positions that are interested do let you know your status well. Snap was very responsive, and quite mature in their process in that they do consider non-digital factors.

I did understand that I was probably on the lower-end experience-wise and on paper. I believed I would still have excelled in the role for myself and the company if picked.

Surprisingly, I had better hopes for Google. I still found that they still had my application for an opening almost ten years ago and that it was still open. I also have not heard back on the opportunities I applied to this year.

I did apply to several other lesser known companies within a certain geographic region with almost nearly zero responses. It was so terrible that I even started to question the very rare companies that did respond which made me think they were ultra-desperate to fill a position. That is a turn-off for me because those positions are rarely any good and often not the same as advertised.

Online Search

I used all sorts of sites: LinkedIn, indeed, glassdoor, monster, dice, etc. All of these have miserable success rates for me. These opportunities include known businesses and unknown businesses. Except for the job board sending the automated email, there is rarely any responses from any company. A lot of posts that I found do get closed and then I'll find another open exactly the same.

For a period of time, I was dedicated each day to apply to at least 5 positions a day. I probably applied easily over 200 positions with maybe 1 response.

Timing

Of course, timing is very important. I probably was in a terrible time-frame of Nov - Feb. I was lightly searching as early as May. I actually did not hear much from recruiters near the end of the year going into January. Suddenly in February, I started getting almost too many calls. Now with COVID, there probably will not be many opportunities now.

Exercise (247) Sometimes life happens

My father was in a serious accident. I was heart-broken to hear the news. I couldn't help to feel extremely saddened when I saw his condition. Fortunately, he is recovering although it did take some time for him be out of ICU.

During these times, I sometimes feel a bit jealous of others. And I have to remind myself that there are things much more important than money or success. Although there are people that experience even more tragic situations, I do not believe that should justify a different decision even. Because the logic would not hold for whoever has the most tragic experience.

What made me second guess myself was that I did not have a good relationship with my father. I did quickly decide to drop everything and fly to the hospital. I have no regrets in the decisions made. Sometimes I feel disappointed in myself that I had to think about it or remind myself, and not just instinctively decide.

Even though it put a long pause in my professional and other personal life progress, taking that time off to care was totally worth it. It also did add a lot of life perspectives. What good is all that wealth if you do not take care of yourself? Sometimes things just happen, are you prepared if one day you realize you cannot move or talk? Most if not near all parents have sacrificed a lot for their children. Isn't it a little counter-intuitive that we sacrifice the rest of our lives to care for them? Sounds wrong when you say it out loud, but still makes logical sense in my head.

Best of luck, and do what you believe is right for you and your family/friend. Some decisions will not be easy and there will be some that even seem impossible. In those cases, don't dwell on "what ifs" later; just constantly remind yourself that you did the best you can in the situation you were in and the information you had. And remember to also take care of your own health.

I had a lot of trouble posting this message because it was very personal to me and wasn't sure how much detail to share, but I hope the message is detailed enough to help someone (maybe even reminding my future self) else in a similar situation.

For someone who is not but knows someone in that situation but not in any capacity to help, simply say that the person is in your prayers or thoughts. Even if I thought the person may not really do so, the statement is still powerful besides that it typically fills any awkward silence. At the very least, it allows me to respond or transition to another topic. In all honesty, the support was actually very helpful even if I cannot explain how that is. Thank you to everyone who supported me and my family (whether it was said out loud or within your hearts).

Expanding to Linux, Apache, Postgres, Python, and Django in Google Cloud

I finally got around to learning Linux and Python for the second time. I tried many years ago at a friend's place but never went back after I messed up a build. This time it was way faster with Google Cloud.

I spent about half a day figuring out the free trial versus always free. In reality, I was trying to figure out and extrapolate the always free part. Because as a hobbyist, this was very intriguing part. So basically, I can spin up a small VM and Cloud Sql for free, of course up to a certain limit which I think is well below the traffic and usage that I will be working in.

I think this is great because I am mostly on to practice and learn. If I were to expand my projects, scaling up my projects looks to be kind of simple for both infrastructure and cost. Although I did not delve deep into how to do that exactly. But the costs seem rather reasonable on a personal level.

I spent the rest of the day learning the different parts of google cloud. I quickly went through some of the options then saw all the different types of OS and DB google cloud has to offer. Of course, I spent most of the time figuring out which Linux distro to choose (Debian) and database (Postgre).

I chose Debian because it was free and seemed to have good amount of documentation online. I chose Postgre because it is new to me (I have worked with Oracle, MySql, and MS Sql in the past) and appears to be gaining some popularity (and also been seeing quite a few on job posts).

The next day, I spent all day trying to install Python, Apache, and Django. I spent part of the day looking into which web server to use which I almost scrapped because Python had its own server. I could not get the Python web server to work properly because I did not know how to open a web browser to be local within my google cloud "space" (I am still unsure if that is even possible). I was not able to open the ports to access it from an external source.

I also spent a lot of time trying to learn all the Linux commands to install. I spent a good amount of time trying to find what I can do without super user (sudo) which I found to be almost nothing. I was eventually able to install Apache with Python by following directions and open it from my system's browser (outside of google cloud).

I then looked into Python IDE which then I stumbled across Django which I later learn is a framework for python web development. So then I attempted to install Django, but ran into a lot of issues. Because I already had Python and Apache installed, I was trying not to repeat certain steps or skip certain steps. Because I was not exactly clear on what needed to be done and things were not working, I deleted my Django project and tried to start over.

I had to start over a few times until I found a different site (https://www.digitalocean.com/community/tutorials/how-to-serve-django-applications-with-apache-and-mod_wsgi-on-debian-8) that eventually got me up and running. On the bright side, I am now a bit more familiar with a few basic Linux commands: sudo, nano, mkdir, rm, mv, cp, service, etc. At least I think they are Linux commands as opposed to Python or Apache commands.

I have not started any programming yet, but excited to eventually get to that point. I still need to learn a bit about the Django framework before I can really start. So hopefully, I will get some time to work on that soon. Also, I still need to find an IDE or text editor.

Reference

https://www.digitalocean.com/community/tutorials/how-to-serve-django-applications-with-apache-and-mod_wsgi-on-debian-8

Paradox: Corporate Leadership Communication. Can it be fixed?

One of the most common issues with leadership from worker surveys is communication. I have been thinking how to resolve this issue, and feel this is somewhat of a paradox.

If leadership has communication issues with delivering and receiving communication, how would a worker communicate this properly to leadership to correct this action?

If leadership was capable of delivering and receiving communication, the workers would not be required to come up with a solution to correct fundamental communication issues.

I believe this can only be corrected by leadership on their own. Workers need to still voice their concern, but should not invest time to explain to leadership how to correct the problem. Because if leadership was able, workers do not need to explain. But if leadership was unable, no amount of explanation will fix the problem.

I am dumbfounded on why communication is so difficult with leadership. Is it because they have never worked at our level? Have they never been conned, cheated, or unfairly deprived of opportunities? Is it because of their personal greed to earn significantly more than their workers? Do they just not understand our plight?

Or is it because they have been in our position and is now taking their "fair" share to compensate for the life that we still live in? Is it an elite class where they now have to do that to fit in with the existing leadership?

Or is it that I do not understand? I suppose leadership is getting what they want out of this, so perhaps this is the real grand scheme of things. Just keep creating chaos faster than the workers' can cope with, while their value to the company is to swindle our efforts.

Then the question becomes, why can't a "fairer" company outperform a greedy company? Does power corrupt absolutely?

Leadership Pitfalls: Hearing versus Listening for Surveys

For the purpose of this article, hearing is the words you hear and listening is the meaning of the words.

I do not know how many company leaders fall into this but leaders seem to misinterpret surveys all the time. Maybe I am unlucky in the companies that wishes to hire me or perhaps I just do not understand what it takes to be a leader.

I have filled in many surveys in hopes that it will truly change how leadership leads. Every year, almost the same results are returned: 1. Communication, 2. Training/Development. So each year, I become less and less hopeful that leadership would ever change. Even after several reorgs.

Communication

Even with other companies, there always seem to be a gap in communication. And for whatever reason, leadership thinks this means to have more meetings. Why do we even pay leadership more money if they do not understand what the workers are saying to them?

Just because the workers say "We do not know what is going on?", does not mean to have more meetings. Not only more meetings, especially not meetings about how the entire corporation is doing. Why do I care we have double digit growth (ie more than 10% growth)? Then you follow that up with record profits. Yet, you do not hear the biggest question that no one will bluntly ask "why are our salaries still the same with no additional people?" So basically what we hear is "can you feel us kicking you while you are down?"

Why should we care that you are telling us what the numbers are from the survey? We told you what we think, we have some idea what we said. Tell us what you are doing about it. Tell us you are going to set up more meetings. Then we can at the very least respond with... "that is not what we really meant to say" or the main question we do not dare ask "why are you so stupid?" so that we can correct your thoughts.

High percentages with manager satisfaction yet you know there is a lot of grumbling going on. Our surveys always scored more than 85% manager satisfaction and 90% trust in leadership. This is not an indication that you are doing a good job. This is an indication that we no longer trust you. Increased employee turn-over, unable to retain top talent, superficial questions at the end of meetings, etc. are all clues that your surveys are telling a different story.

I understand there are certain level of optics that leadership should keep. But if you are going to play dumb, you are only going to keep dumb people or smart people doing status quo. For example, company employs thousands of people and many with decades of experience. Yet during innovation events, only the new graduates attend (and most strongly "encouraged" to go).

We actually had someone dare ask the question about fair compensation. If we are putting up record numbers, why are we only treated to fair market value while executives get to enjoy all the added bonuses. To add a little more background, the top employees barely reached 1% raise each year (at least that is what leadership told us). On top of that, company "perks" (which we already low standards even compared to small companies) have been slowly picked away.

On top of that, the response was (paraphrasing) "we understand because aren't we all here for the money?" WOW! Not even a hint of sarcasm in there. Clearly only heard, "we are greedy and want more money." Listen carefully and you might hear, "we just want our fair share (going forward for what we clearly did for you for the past several years)". Of course, this come the day after the CEO just sold some shares for millions of dollars.

Yes, surveys do say something but are you really listening or just hearing what you want to hear? All I know is that things have not changed one iota since I started except now we have more company meetings that just seem to waste more of my time. The saddest part for me is that I have actually spent a lot of time writing a response to most of these meetings but have never sent it out to anyone. Why? Because I do not trust anyone. What have you done to earn my trust in you?

Training/Development

Every year, they say they try to add more budget to train people. Yet the only people who seem to get training, or have time for training, or go to interesting events, are the new graduates. Then we slowly watch as each one slowly move on to other companies.

What do you think that communicates to all your veterans? More promises, and more broken promises. There was one time a group got their training, then got replaced by interns because the interns couldn't fix the legacy stuff (or at least were not interested in it). On top of that, they were expected to make use of the little training they got.... a year later. No practice, not even a small project.

Why is HR in charge of training? HR should be in charge of making directors or managers to create time for training for their direct reports. HR barely knows enough to hire the person. You think they know what specialists how to improve on their existing skillsets? The manager/supervisor will barely know that.

I have yet to ever receive any sort of training. They say I need to be more pro-active about it. Yet when I ask questions, I seem to be dumped with more work. Even if I find something interesting, they will ask if there is a cheaper (ie freer) option. If I knew, wouldn't I just request that one?! After a while, I just do not care anymore. I just do my own training now and pay for it myself.

Company has been around for decades and they do not know where my position should grow into. Yet they say they are all about career growth. They should already know what I should move into... they clearly care when it comes to our salary.

The Truth

But in all actuality, the real truth is that corporate leadership really (really, really, really) does not care about their employees. Oh, they'll promise you the world. At the end of the day, they get to return home with their payday. They care so little and they have so much of a monopoly over your life that they do not even care to create a fake optic to make you feel better. Just bribe a few people with a 2% raise or a fancy title just to make it look some people are happy. Which they probably are because they are friends of the leader and are not doing much work.

The company has let go of people with vast experience, yet the company still employs a person who does absolutely nothing. Literally, nothing. Who knows, maybe she's the making of a future leader. It is the only real explanation.

But just in case there is actually a "good" manager/leader somewhere out there that just happened to read this... people are complex, most people are good people, and they won't say directly what is needed. One, they may not actually know how to phrase it. Two, they also want to save your ego by not saying you're dumb to your face. Three, spending a little bit of time with all (or most) of your directs will at least open the opportunity for someone like myself to trust you.

From personal experience, there was on CEO of a company of hundred. He remembered my name a year later (randomly in the hallway) and only after meeting me once. You cannot imagine how much more I did if something came from him after that. Now, a director (not my director) that sits about 15 feet away has no clue that I even exist. She won some national award... and no one here even cared.

You may not have to believe in all the things I say. But if enough people say the same thing, there ought to be some pattern worth investigating.... just saying...

Reference

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/learningenglish/radio/specials/1535_questionanswer/page30.shtml

Leadership Pitfalls: Working hard is the path to success

"Work hard, work hard, and work even harder."

Some leaders who are asked to give a lesson on their success to their legacy typically gives this speech. But in my opinion, this is one of the most demoralizing things to say.

First, are they saying those around them did not work hard? What about those who actually did work harder? They also typically add that they are first in, first out. And, they truly believe that.

This claim is very detrimental to morale. Whether you do work harder than everyone else, not everyone may believe that you do. Even the worst employees truly believe they work hard. It is equivalent to asking a person if they are a good person.

Somehow, I sit near these people (at different companies) who say these kinds of things. They rarely are even close to being the first or last people in the office. Not only are they not staying late, they are out the door very quickly. I am not saying that they don't work hard, but don't be claiming to be working more hours than you are. Also, I am typically the last person out the office. I have never been recognized for work effort.

Second, they appear to not understand how success works. Most of us know that success is not only hard work, but also being in the right place at the right time (and many other things). Those who feel that they were passed on a raise or promotion will feel more jilted listening to this speech. These people are now more likely to move on as their talents appear to be not recognized.

Alternative

If given the opportunity to give a speech, leaders should focus on how the company has opened opportunities for people like him to contribute more to the group. Then follow up that the company is working on recognizing current talents and finding new opportunities.

My Sentiments

Most companies have backfilled my role with multiple positions. Also in almost all my roles, I have been the go-to person to backup almost everyone within my team. Basically, I am able to more than my roles but few are able to cover mine (even when I am the most junior on the team). I say this because I can personally say that hard work will not get you anywhere.

If anything, hard work will detriment your success. Working smart also will not help with your success, but it is required. Luck and abusing the system will increase your chances to be "successful". I have talked to quite a few peers of leaders mentioned above. Most of the "success" or break-through achievements are usually based on lies and the ignorance (true or turning a blind eye to save face) of those evaluating their performance.

This appear to be most obvious with government contracts. The strategy for one past company was to simply over-promise knowing they will not be able to deliver most of the items. Once they win the contract, they simply prolong and find excuses by blaming other groups. In my opinion, this was super easy to do because most people do not know how to manage a project. Most people fail to simply just respond to emails. When renegotiating contracts, they simply say that people don't follow up and that is why the project is behind. Also to save face, it is very difficult for clients to change to another vendor unless something went beyond obviously wrong.

Maybe I have warped the definition of success for this article but I hope most readers will understand where I am coming from. I still believe in my values, and still hope I will find a decent group to build my career. I am still in a good place to support myself and those around me. I still wish I can have the opportunity to be promoted to be a leader someday because I believe I can contribute more than other leaders, not because of the status of being a leader. My belief as a leader/manager is to work myself out of the role so that the team will be self-sustaining. If miraculously all leaders are deserving of their roles, I have no problems staying at the "bottom".

Leadership Pitfalls: Don't eat/take your subordinate's treats/food/etc

Do you have people at the office that have bowls of snacks or candies to share for the office?

It's a trap

This is not an intentional trap. This is not the intentions of the givers (unless it's me). But you will have people like me who witness those who take things.

The trap is not a single incident infraction. The problem is when you abuse the (unspoken) system... the peer judgment of others. The main problem starts when you take a larger portion of the goods.

Lack of Compassion

The goods are not free. Out of the goodness of the giver, they are sharing to help those around them. But when the taker starts to feel entitled, this just hits the wrong nerve in me.

For example, there is a lady who always keep a variety of sweets in her area. Several people enjoy the treats. But each day after she's gone, a group of people takes a noticeable amount of sweets from her desk. Because I am usually one of the last people out of the office, I notice this group.

Although she does not mind, this action by that group is just wrong to me. I have also heard the same from others. Some of them have also started to use more racial biases because of this.

So not only does this make it appear poorly for those who take too much, but it also also reflects poorly on whatever prejudicial group the observer makes.

Unfairness

I am one that occasionally leave sweets/snacks on my desk to share. As a person who has bought food to share and even though I am not poor, these foods are not cheap. 

Because I am further back in the office, I do not get as many visitors. I do regularly get a director who is very friendly with a colleague who sits next to me.

Although I am ok with those who take a treat each time they visit, his visits started to irk me when he said (somewhat playfully) that I need to restock my treats (when I haven't restocked for a while). Not only restock but a specific request of candy that I brought in once. I don't mind when someone at least at the same corporate level as me does this because they never do. Yes, that sounds odd but there is an unspoken understanding that these are treats, not entitlements.

I also know this director eats other's treats. And there are similar complaints from those people as I have in my mind. We are the bottom of the hierarchy. A director is 2-3 levels above us, so easily makes twice as much as us (which means he has the potential to save way more than double). Over 5 years, he has never given anything back... not even a thank you. 

If it were just me, I would just chalk it up to my bad luck. But for others, the very least he can do is do something nice (and something unselfish) in return. Even if we have poor directors (I work for a fortune 10 company so extremely unlikely), he could at the very least "promote" them in some ways. I do not even mean a professional promotion. A simple this is a great person, kind person, or if I even have to drudge the bottom of the barrel.... a very simple thank you. Or even, even lower.... at least do not criticize (like not enough plates, utensils, etc). 

Optics

Ultimately, there is nothing technically wrong with taking or even accepting treats. But because the visual is very subjective, this is just not worth the optics that this behavior projects for a manager or executive.

If anything, I even give back to those that share their kindness even if I do not take any or much. This does not have to be food or materials. I have assisted or aided in other ways, although food is the simplest way. 

People see, people judge, but they won't share their thoughts especially if you are in a leadership position. In my opinion, those who cannot even balance simple human compassion do not deserve my respect for there position. And if his peers cannot at least recognize this, I also have lowered respect for all of leadership.

Reference

Personal experience

Shaun T Insanity Day 9 - Personal Experience

I think I may have messed up the day numbers. At this point, I'm just going to number the days to be incremental by the days I work out instead of the DVD as I have noticed that I may mix around the exercises depending on how I feel. For example, last night I worked on the second DVD, Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

Since I have completed the whole box set (minus the one DVD that didn't work for me), it is time to start over again. I skipped the first DVD (Dig Deeper & Fit Test) as I just didn't feel to be in the mood to count as it was late.

This time around with Plyometric Cardio Circuit, I definitely noticed that I am do a little more and more flexible on the stretches.My weight is around or maybe slightly lighter than the prior time. (I really should record these things).

I still struggled with the pushups and running pushups, but I was able to do a couple sets (which I believe I skipped completely last time). Again I just went into the half-plank (plan from my knees instead of my feet). My arms are still not strong enough to maintain proper position. They were still tired just from the planks. Mountain climbing is still a struggle but did these much slower and without the hop.

Still sweated a ton, felt good prior and after... this is probably my favorite workout of the whole set.

Reference

http://douglastclee.blogspot.com/2017/05/shaun-t-insanity-day-1-and-day-2.html

Shaun T Insanity Days 6-8 - Personal Experience

Day 6 - Max Interval Circuit & Fit Test DVD was broken so I was unable to play this, so it was skipped.

Day 7 - Max Interval Plyo
This was by far the most insane workout. I tried to keep up as best as I can but made sure I was doing something when I couldn't. Laptop overheated in the last 10 minutes so didn't even get to that part. I did some jogging then cool down.

Day 8 - Max Cardio Conditioning
This was intense. I was able to do most of the workouts except the pushups where you kick your feet from side to side. By "do" I mean in some shape or form on the border of cheating but keeping my heart rate up.

Summary
I still feel exhausted and always end raining sweat. No injuries yet, but still some pain in the middle of my right foot when I do certain exercises too long which I just then pace or jog in place. I did some jogging earlier in the day and my foot is feeling much better in general, so I'm guessing that it is just weak from my weight. As for weight, I am now a pound under (on the low range) of when I started and around the same weight on the high end.

Just two more exercises before restarting for week 2.

Shaun T Insanity Day 5 (Pure Cardio) - Personal Experience

I skipped a day mostly due to not having time, and I was definitely up for it if I was home. Instead I played volleyball then did a lot of walking (totaling 24467 steps for the day according to my FitBit). And that was including the time where I sat most of the night hanging out with my cousins.

Anyways, I got to it today and is by far the most grueling in terms of keeping up. I have a lot of catching up for this video. I was unable to do any of the burpees. There were quite a few that I could not keep up but kept some resemblance of motion. 

Otherwise, the workout felt great. I was exhausted and can feel my muscles still burning. I can even feel my triceps as I type. My recovery is still improving.

Weight-wise... I am net +1 pound. I was a net +3 pounds a couple days ago. Not too discouraging as I usually gain weight as I start a new intensive workout. A little sad that I passed 250 pounds. But, I think I am starting to veer in the right track.

Shaun T Insanity Day 4 - Personal Experience

Cardio Recovery - sounds easy but I still got a good sweat. I was able to complete the holds but unable to complete the pulses. The parts where we lift the knees a couple inches above the ground, I was unable to do. I would start lifting my knee high as I pulsed. I ended up just keeping my knee on the ground which was still a good workout. I have a lot of catching up for this part in the future.

Overall, my body is starting to feel a bit better since I started with Day 1 about 9 days ago. I have done other activities during this timeframe like walking, volleyball, and the driving range. I have not been following the nutrition guide but am eating healthier. I still need to watch the quantity of food that I eat even though it may be healthier. I still struggle avoiding eating late night, but have been doing better lately.

Although I couldn't complete some of the workouts, I don't feel terribly exhausted. I think I may go for an easy jog later today.

Shaun T Insanity Day 3 - My personal experience

Took a day off from Day 2... my body was quite sore.

Day 3 seemed a bit easier except it had more pushup-like exercises which I do not have any arm strength to do the plank for that period of time much less to do pushups or running pushups. Instead I just did the simpler pushups (using my knees) and waddled side-to-side for the running pushups. This kept me tired and heart rate up.

I still had to rest a bit by the second half, mainly due to pain in the middle of my right foot. This typically occurs when I put too much stress on the foot. I have also noticed that there are a few exercises where I cannot put my foot flat on the ground but balanced on the balls of my feet. I'm not sure if this partial cause.

At the end, I was still exhausted. My recovery seems a bit better today. I can still feel that my arm muscles are sore.

Shaun T Insanity Day 1 and Day 2 - My personal exerperience

I am an extremely-overweight, athletic person... meaning I am about 80 pounds overweight but can still a wide range of sports on a competitive level with average citizens minus the endurance.

I did Day 1 almost a week ago. If it weren't for my laptop overheating ten minutes of the twenty minute video, I probably would have died. I was so out of breath. They were doing about 90-100 reps while I was struggling to do 1 properly and managed maybe started at 20 which soon dropped to 5-10. But at the end of the day, my body felt good. My glutes were so tight, I had trouble sitting and getting up for the next 3 days.

I just finished Day 2. I managed to complete the whole 40 some minutes. I was able to manage a reasonable pace for about 15-20 minutes which felt like an hour. Near the end with the push ups and plank-position exercises, I had trouble following as I had to face down which then I couldn't look up to see what I was supposed to do... but who am I kidding... I was surprised I wasn't lying on the ground. Occasionally, I just did some of the run-in-place exercises to watch what they were doing while keeping my heart-rate up. Although my muscles weren't too sore, after a few minutes of rest, I started to feel some of the workout sores. We'll see how I'll manage any non-horizontal positions tomorrow.

For a run down of the exercises, this blog (last update in Dec 2014) does a great job with a fun-style read. https://optforinsanity.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/day-2-plyometric-cardio-circuit/

Executive vs Associates Emails

This comic was not so interesting until I read the comments. What I found so interesting is how quickly everyone jumped onto the idea that the ideal email is to be brief and to the point.

Yes, that the associate email is a bit lengthy but there is no way they could get by with the executive message. The lengthy version is very much the safer route than being too brief for an associate.

People should know their audience even among peer-to-peer messages. Some people need to have the flowery-words, and some people don't. Some people are easily offended if not enough proper respect is included in the email. And quite easily, someone like an executive gets thousands of emails and simple message of "please see below" will be quickly forgotten (intentionally or not).

Even for such a message from an executive, I have listened to many colleagues confused on what the message even meant in the first place. What thoughts? Grammar? Content? New idea? On every single bullet point or a subjective top 10 list? You're the executive what did you not like about that email?

It saddens me that even the experienced professionals make such simple, over-simplified comments. Yes, some messages could be more brief and some could be more descriptive. Most messages need to be tailored not only by who it is written to but also the author's experience/rank.


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