Autism Spectrum vs me

I surely do relate to some of the key items of the low-end of the autism spectrum especially when I look back into my past.

I am told that I didn't start speaking till I was four. I do not make eye contact. There are stories that I did not look up at the teacher till second grade. Supposedly, it was such a big moment the first time that I did. The teacher personally stopped by our home to report the "happy" news. I was always very quiet till 15-16.

I probably don't have it, but reading some of the articles help me understand myself in a way where others fail to satisfy my questions. I believe I do a very good job of masking normal behavior.

I believe the biggest factor to my drive to understand to be normal is my insatiable need to understand the world. I ask a lot of questions to that point where people would put their hands up and walk away. Even if I agree with their point of view, I will play devil's advocate to better understand. So this is my drive to go against some of my natural tendencies.

I still struggle with some things like eye contact. When I really get into a conversation, I stop looking... at anything. I couldn't tell the person's facial expression, other conversations, time, place, etc. I get so hyper-focused that I do not sense anything else. Nowadays, I have to conscientiously remember to look at the face. I will naturally look at the mouth at best, but usually will just stare into space. I am really not sure where I am looking at once I am engrossed in a conversation.

The more background noise, the less I am able to understand people. I am terrible when there is noise. Not that it bothers me, but I cannot "hear" what people are saying. Sometimes I wonder if I am deaf but I hear sounds. And I can hear very minute sounds that others cannot hear. But when there any sort of sound, my ability to hear what people are saying drops exponentially while others can hear perfectly fine. I have had little to explain this phenomenon, but the article by Burgess has the best example thus far. On her "spectrum", there is a category for sensory filter. I believe this is where I am rather weak on.

I also struggle with expressing what I feel. I think the problem for me is that I really do not feel anything, especially things to an extreme. I do not really hate, nor do I really love. Things just is. People's fascination with art and music is lost on me. I still go to museums, and I just fail to see what other's see. There is no particular music that I love, none that I hate. I am unable to really mean it when I say that I totally love this song, music, artist, etc. I like the beat, the rhythm, the lyrics, but I approach it more analytically. For me, it is amazing how well they can maintain a beat, how they can change the beat but keep the sound coherent or lyrics that uses limited words that rhyme yet still send a message. Although I do not have extremes, I do have preferences but the reasons seem to still be consistent. If the lyrics is repeated too often (bores me) or distracts me from whatever I am focusing on, then I do dislike the song. But I have not heard anything where I would want to ever consider ripping my ears off. I don't even plug my ears or even change the radio station.

To me bad music is like food that has a bad after-taste. There are food that tastes good and there is food that does not taste good. And that pretty much is the summary of my taste palate. There is very few foods that I dislike. Even fewer where I refuse to eat. But there is nothing I wouldn't try for free, and I would hate to waste money by paying an exorbitant amount of money for something that tastes good. Yes, it tastes better but is it worth paying 2x to 5x the food and labor? I am perfectly fine with eating unsalted boiled chicken. It does not taste great, but not worth $10 for an alternative.

I still consider myself a loner. Ironically, I was told that I was like a social butterfly at the office. This is due to the fact that I go around and talk to people (about work or their social problems). But for me, this activity is extremely exhausting. But I "force" myself because I want to understand. And I learned that people do not share as much information when I do not share some information.

I do get frustrated. This is usually when I am unable to understand more about the situation. But I think the blame really goes to people who do not make very coherent logical steps. Uusually there is still some reason they do things that are more self-centered, for their big ego, etc. I just do not understand why they think that way. I get most frustrated with people who have no interest in self-improvement except to manipulate others for their own life improvements.

From what I have analyzed about people, I find that I have a very different approach to the world. And my biggest worry about this thought is that everyone seem to feel that they are different (like how everyone thinks they are right or good). So how do I actually gauge how different I am?

http://themighty.com/2016/05/rebecca-burgess-comic-redesigns-the-autism-spectrum/

Life: Do I need more water to sleep well at night? Second night experiment

I have been terrible with my water consumption since my last attempt about a month ago, and I haven't been sleeping through the night. Fortunately, I do not stay up (for the most part) and can fall asleep after I move to the couch. I'm not sure why changing my sleeping place helps with my sleep.

Yesterday while cleaning my place, I drank more water and again I was able to sleep without any interruption. Odd part is that I actually feel more tired than usually when waking up. The energy catches up soon though and now I feel I have more energy than usual.

So unsure if water is my problem, but seems suspiciously correlated. It may also have to do with the cleaning and possibly racing the neighbor's kids. I am so out of shape that the little "jog" may have been a workout for my body.

Reference

https://douglastclee.blogspot.com/2021/07/life-do-i-need-more-water-to-sleep-well.html

Life: Do I need more water to sleep well at night? First night experiment

Lately, I have been waking up in the middle of the night. I also think I have restless leg syndrome at night. I usually go lie on the couch, and somehow that helps me go back to sleep. 

I know I do not drink enough water through out the day, and yesterday was the first time that I reached 5 cups (normal drinking cup not the unit of measure). I cannot remember the last time I even had more than one cup of water. I do drink some milk which I guess could count as some water.

Yesterday randomly, I started drinking more water. I brought the water pitcher to my work desk which reminded me to drink more water. I was wondering why I felt like I had more energy today, and realized that I slept the entire night... it was actually kind of odd to wake up on the bed.

Maybe coincidence, so will continue to test this out. Although I already missed drinking water this morning. I was going to post after a few more tries but given my track record... I may forget to do this after day three and I wanted a record to show when I last tried it.

...

kind of like all my attempts to start exercising...

...

sigh

...

Sequel (Edited 2021-08-17)

https://douglastclee.blogspot.com/2021/08/life-do-i-need-more-water-to-sleep-well.html

Exercise (241) Taking fitness in my youth for granted

While I was starting to do sit-ups again today, I was thinking how difficult it was for me to do just 20. I was still able to do 20 without break and at a reasonable pace, but I was definitely near my limit. While I was at 10, I was just thinking how easy it was to do 100 before high school. I remember thinking how useless this exercise was, and never thought that it could be difficult for others. I thought people were just lazy and find excuses not to do them.

Now even doing a single push-up is a struggle for me. I have always been weaker with push-ups. In my  youth, push-ups were my weakest exercise where there was a limit on the number of push-ups, maybe 50.

7 minute mile was considered kind of slow, now I struggle with a 12 minute mile. I even now notice that my reflexes are slower.

But there is still hope because I still see people easily twice my age run faster and longer. My father can run marathons yearly. So I am slowly changing my lifestyle to be more fit. Life has made it a little difficult lately, but still on my mind.

Today, I had a sudden drop in my weight, 3 pounds. I am not exactly sure why as I had been maintaining 243-244 pounds for the last couple weeks. I think eating less/healthier and evening walks every other night have lowered my weight a little bit, but then I was adding weight by drinking more water at night so I didn't notice my weight loss. Last night, I didn't drink any water. Anyways, I hope this is good news and not something else. I feel physically normal.

Exercise (246) Sodium vs (table) Salt

Completely random, I was reading an article about the difference between sodium and salt. I think it a good short read on how salt or sodium reacts in our body. Nothing ground breaking, just a pleasant read for those who enjoys a near-layman's explanation of physics.

I have not been exercising per se for a long, long while (except for an hour of volleyball). I have been also eating a bit unhealthy lately. Fortunately, my weight has not gone up. I have been moving around a lot (moving boxes and things) which I do not count as exercising. I hope once I finish, I will be able to get back to exercising more regularly.

Reference

https://www.thoughtco.com/difference-between-sodium-and-salt-608498

Health: Temporary sharp pain down one leg

One morning, there was a sharp pain down my leg. After I shifted, the pain kind of went away then kind of forgot about it. When I got up, there was a little sore in my leg but I figured I could walk it off. Then after a standing for a minute or two brushing my teeth, there was a sharp pain that went from hip to ankle. After I sat down, the pain was not as sharp but was still painful. Then will subside almost just as fast as it came.

This went on all day with the same pattern, so I spent most of the day sitting. I figured it would go away after a day. I went to work the next day with the same problem. This went on for a few days. 

About a week later, the pain finally started to go away and was a bit more tolerable. After a couple more days, I did not even realize that the pain was gone.

I think I must have slept in a funny position or slept on something. This is not unusual as I typically just sleep wherever I get sleepy at night... on the couch, in a chair, on the bed, etc.

Sprained Ankle - Day 63

My ankle is pretty much healed at this point. There are still some mornings especially after a rain or high humidity, I feel a slight tightness in my ankle. I have been playing volleyball for the last 4-5 weeks without much problem. At first, it was a little sore but as I warmed up the soreness went away. The last couple games have had no problems.

Sometime around the second to third week, my mom had me put on some hot/cold patches. I could not tell if it helped or not. It didn't seem to make it any worse at least. Since I had only a handful of sprained ankles, I cannot recall a lot of details. I think the last sprain was about 20 years ago. I only remember it lasting a couple weeks. So this time took much longer but I think it was also much worse.

Sprained ankle - Day 13

Sprained my ankle almost 2 weeks ago while playing volleyball. I was in enough pain to not be able to move my foot, but eventually dragged myself to the side. Our team had a double-header so fortunately I had some time to rest. After 30 minutes of icing and lying on the ground with my foot on a medicine ball, I was able to stand up but could barely put any weight on the foot. Another 30 minutes and I was able to drive. I was able to waddle the next day, using the wall to climb up or down the stairs. A week later and I was able to hide my limp with slight pain. I broke in my new bike yesterday with a discomfort in my foot only when climbing the stairs. I didn't feel any discomfort while biking for a couple hours (with several breaks). The next day, my foot was sore even when walking so maybe biking may not have been wise.

Workout-wise, I have been pretty bad with my regular workouts for the last month. I did at least one a week. My diet was slightly better than usual. Overall, I've lost about 1-2 pounds over two weeks but probably my muscle weight as I have not done any workouts the last couple weeks.

Real Appeal Day 1 (Workout)

There was some time off from my DVD workouts primarily because my laptop could no longer play videos without shutting down from overheating. I finally pulled the trigger and bought a blue-ray player.

The first thing I ran was the Real Appeal workout DVD. The workout is of course much easier than Insanity but was a good workout to do during lunch so that I'm not too sweaty for work. It was way less impact on the joints. I do not know if this picks up later.

I joined Real Appeal about 5-6 weeks ago. This is covered by the company I work for when you miss the biometrics. The program is pretty good. The coach is very motivating. It is geared more towards people who are more inexperienced with exercising and dieting. It does have a wealth of information. For me, I knew most of it. I just need to practice it.

Failed 4 mile race

How does one fail a race? By being late to the race. The weather was terrible so traffic was slower than normal, fortunately the weather did not reach the race destination. Then I couldn't find parking, spent 30+ minutes. I ended up 10 minutes late.

I ended up cutting across the park and finish the race without an official time. Although I felt lighter on my feet, I felt that my endurance was actually worse. I have not trained much in long distance, usually running at most 20 minutes. The only extended exercise is the Insanity workouts which is around 40 minutes. I guess that is not a good substitute... also does not help that I cannot keep up the entire time either.

With all that said, I played volleyball today and did surprisingly well. I wonder if I am now able to jump higher which is helping me hit better.

So although I feel better, I think my endurance has dropped a bit. I'll have to experiment this further.

Shaun T Insanity Day 9 - Personal Experience

I think I may have messed up the day numbers. At this point, I'm just going to number the days to be incremental by the days I work out instead of the DVD as I have noticed that I may mix around the exercises depending on how I feel. For example, last night I worked on the second DVD, Plyometric Cardio Circuit.

Since I have completed the whole box set (minus the one DVD that didn't work for me), it is time to start over again. I skipped the first DVD (Dig Deeper & Fit Test) as I just didn't feel to be in the mood to count as it was late.

This time around with Plyometric Cardio Circuit, I definitely noticed that I am do a little more and more flexible on the stretches.My weight is around or maybe slightly lighter than the prior time. (I really should record these things).

I still struggled with the pushups and running pushups, but I was able to do a couple sets (which I believe I skipped completely last time). Again I just went into the half-plank (plan from my knees instead of my feet). My arms are still not strong enough to maintain proper position. They were still tired just from the planks. Mountain climbing is still a struggle but did these much slower and without the hop.

Still sweated a ton, felt good prior and after... this is probably my favorite workout of the whole set.

Reference

http://douglastclee.blogspot.com/2017/05/shaun-t-insanity-day-1-and-day-2.html

Shaun T Insanity Days 6-8 - Personal Experience

Day 6 - Max Interval Circuit & Fit Test DVD was broken so I was unable to play this, so it was skipped.

Day 7 - Max Interval Plyo
This was by far the most insane workout. I tried to keep up as best as I can but made sure I was doing something when I couldn't. Laptop overheated in the last 10 minutes so didn't even get to that part. I did some jogging then cool down.

Day 8 - Max Cardio Conditioning
This was intense. I was able to do most of the workouts except the pushups where you kick your feet from side to side. By "do" I mean in some shape or form on the border of cheating but keeping my heart rate up.

Summary
I still feel exhausted and always end raining sweat. No injuries yet, but still some pain in the middle of my right foot when I do certain exercises too long which I just then pace or jog in place. I did some jogging earlier in the day and my foot is feeling much better in general, so I'm guessing that it is just weak from my weight. As for weight, I am now a pound under (on the low range) of when I started and around the same weight on the high end.

Just two more exercises before restarting for week 2.

Shaun T Insanity Day 5 (Pure Cardio) - Personal Experience

I skipped a day mostly due to not having time, and I was definitely up for it if I was home. Instead I played volleyball then did a lot of walking (totaling 24467 steps for the day according to my FitBit). And that was including the time where I sat most of the night hanging out with my cousins.

Anyways, I got to it today and is by far the most grueling in terms of keeping up. I have a lot of catching up for this video. I was unable to do any of the burpees. There were quite a few that I could not keep up but kept some resemblance of motion. 

Otherwise, the workout felt great. I was exhausted and can feel my muscles still burning. I can even feel my triceps as I type. My recovery is still improving.

Weight-wise... I am net +1 pound. I was a net +3 pounds a couple days ago. Not too discouraging as I usually gain weight as I start a new intensive workout. A little sad that I passed 250 pounds. But, I think I am starting to veer in the right track.

Shaun T Insanity Day 4 - Personal Experience

Cardio Recovery - sounds easy but I still got a good sweat. I was able to complete the holds but unable to complete the pulses. The parts where we lift the knees a couple inches above the ground, I was unable to do. I would start lifting my knee high as I pulsed. I ended up just keeping my knee on the ground which was still a good workout. I have a lot of catching up for this part in the future.

Overall, my body is starting to feel a bit better since I started with Day 1 about 9 days ago. I have done other activities during this timeframe like walking, volleyball, and the driving range. I have not been following the nutrition guide but am eating healthier. I still need to watch the quantity of food that I eat even though it may be healthier. I still struggle avoiding eating late night, but have been doing better lately.

Although I couldn't complete some of the workouts, I don't feel terribly exhausted. I think I may go for an easy jog later today.

Shaun T Insanity Day 3 - My personal experience

Took a day off from Day 2... my body was quite sore.

Day 3 seemed a bit easier except it had more pushup-like exercises which I do not have any arm strength to do the plank for that period of time much less to do pushups or running pushups. Instead I just did the simpler pushups (using my knees) and waddled side-to-side for the running pushups. This kept me tired and heart rate up.

I still had to rest a bit by the second half, mainly due to pain in the middle of my right foot. This typically occurs when I put too much stress on the foot. I have also noticed that there are a few exercises where I cannot put my foot flat on the ground but balanced on the balls of my feet. I'm not sure if this partial cause.

At the end, I was still exhausted. My recovery seems a bit better today. I can still feel that my arm muscles are sore.

Shaun T Insanity Day 1 and Day 2 - My personal exerperience

I am an extremely-overweight, athletic person... meaning I am about 80 pounds overweight but can still a wide range of sports on a competitive level with average citizens minus the endurance.

I did Day 1 almost a week ago. If it weren't for my laptop overheating ten minutes of the twenty minute video, I probably would have died. I was so out of breath. They were doing about 90-100 reps while I was struggling to do 1 properly and managed maybe started at 20 which soon dropped to 5-10. But at the end of the day, my body felt good. My glutes were so tight, I had trouble sitting and getting up for the next 3 days.

I just finished Day 2. I managed to complete the whole 40 some minutes. I was able to manage a reasonable pace for about 15-20 minutes which felt like an hour. Near the end with the push ups and plank-position exercises, I had trouble following as I had to face down which then I couldn't look up to see what I was supposed to do... but who am I kidding... I was surprised I wasn't lying on the ground. Occasionally, I just did some of the run-in-place exercises to watch what they were doing while keeping my heart-rate up. Although my muscles weren't too sore, after a few minutes of rest, I started to feel some of the workout sores. We'll see how I'll manage any non-horizontal positions tomorrow.

For a run down of the exercises, this blog (last update in Dec 2014) does a great job with a fun-style read. https://optforinsanity.wordpress.com/2013/10/22/day-2-plyometric-cardio-circuit/

Learned about Side Stitches (pain right below the right ribcage) - Running Symptom

It has been a while since I had this sharp pain where it feels like on the right-side of my body, right below the rib-cage. For as long as I can remember, I have had these cramp-like pains every so often in the middle of my runs. And today, I finally decided to look this up and learned that they are called side stitches (or more scientifically, “exercise related transient abdominal pain” (ETAP)).

I am actually kind of relieved to know that this is kind of normal. For me, slowing down or focus on breathing helps me through the cramps.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Side_stitch

Greek Yogurt (dislike)

Sorry, Greek yogurt. I still do not like the taste or texture of a simple Greek yogurt. Maybe if you bury it in a bunch of fruits then maybe. The smell alone is enough to scare me away. I can tolerate Yoplait Greek yogurt but then that makes me wonder if that is real.

I do not know why I don't like Greek yogurt. I used to not like plain yogurt but I am now fine with it. But then again, plain yogurt was more tolerable after I tried Greek yogurt. Which is almost the same way that I learned (ie acquired the taste of) to drink beer. I just did not like beer. Then at some social gathering they had some really strong (ie not light) beer, and ever since, light beer is perfectly fine for me. Although my taste for beer has improved since then, I still cannot pretend to enjoy the foulest tastes of some beers... perhaps they just need to make one even worse.

Anyways, I still try it every so often because it is a healthier alternative. So far, it is only healthier for me because I do not have much appetite after smelling it.

Reference

Review: Yogurt, Yoplait vs La Yogurt vs FoodTown vs Others (not a nutritional review)
http://douglastclee.blogspot.com/2013/08/review-yogurt-yoplait-vs-la-yogurt-vs.html

Life: Exercise 9/23

Except for the last couple days, I have been exercising almost every other day. My run (on a treadmill) is now at 38 minutes for the first 5k. I have lost a couple pounds on my average weight. Compared to the results from 9/17 exercise.

Part of my biggest problem is that I feel like I need to be chewing or eating even when I don't need to be eating. Late at night, I just want to eat even though I'm not hungry. Is this addiction? It really takes a lot of willpower to not eat something. Fortunately, I'm too lazy to go out to eat. Even then, that is not a very fitting solution. It is very easy to just say no when I do not have the crave, but once there is a crave, reason does not help at all. At the moment, I just try to not keep any food around. On the brighter side, at least I eat fresher foods even though it may not be as cheap.

On the note of buying foods, I have been suspecting fruits from Costco. Recently, it has come to the point where I cannot tolerate it any longer. Someone had offered me their Costco kiwis because they were going on a trip. The kiwis are rather hard in the middle but I just thought they were not ripe enough. It has taken me about 2 weeks to eat them all and they are were still as hard at the core. They also have no sign of spoiling either. I ended up throwing the rest of the kiwis. Because on top of being weird that it never became mush, they just did not taste good at all. I even had bananas that never ripened, it just stayed green for several weeks (almost 4 weeks) and were still hard. Peaches and plums were also not really good. I've come to the decision to just pay more for fruits from other supermarkets (although, I'm not pulling the trigger on organic fruits... at least not yet).

Reference

http://douglastclee.blogspot.com/2014/09/life-exercise-918.html

Life: Exercise Re-continued

Yet another setback in the weight department. This time around it was moving into a bigger place, then spent time trying to fill the place. I gained like 20 pounds during that time. How did that even happen?! Sigh...

Anyways, I am back in running mode again. I went out a few times to the gym and "ran" on the treadmill. I walked most of it, jogged a 5mph pace for like 5 minutes, and was dying. One day, American Ninja was on and that was surprisingly motivating as I kept walking or jogging into the front bar. I probably did that every other day for a couple weeks. I gained like 2-3 pounds. This is most likely me just regaining muscle mass again.

Then my "sponsor" (can bring a free guest to the gym) took a break, so I started running at a nearby park. I "ran" the 5k trail. This takes me about an hour the first time. At first, my right calf seems to tighten up a lot. I'm not sure what is causing this. Usually around the 9 minute mark. Couple minutes later, my ankle and foot feel really sore. At this point, I would just walk and it will go away. Then I would jog again for another minute or two until it comes back. After another couple weeks, I cut this down to 40 minutes. My calf, ankle, and foot no longer bother me.

It also seems that I improve (by which I mean that it feels easier to run) when I run every other day. Even if I do a light (mostly walking) day in between, I feel that the run is not much easier than the previous run. I think I also improve if I take 2 days off. 3 days does not seem to make much difference. This still works if I work on other exercises like crunches and other upper body exercises. Working on my abs seem to also improve me run quite a bit.

At this point, I have lost about 5 pounds from my last max weight. I have also stopped eating "midnight" snacks. That habit was difficult to get rid of because it somehow prevented me from sleeping. Just recently, I had an opportunity to run on the treadmill and I have been able to run a 6mph pace for 10 minutes, then I just do a bunch of runs and walks in 2-5 minute intervals for about an hour. I was able to do the first 5k in 38.5 minutes (my best time post-college was 31 minutes).

I'm glad that things are starting to settle down. For some reason, I just cannot find time to workout when I have other things to do. Hopefully, I'll have more success going forward.